


18 – “Stop lying to me!”

by Banashee



Series: Keep Going (KeGo) December 2019 [18]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Protective Phil Coulson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 12:14:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21849496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Banashee/pseuds/Banashee
Summary: "The thing is, sometimes his brain just betrays him.It usually doesn't affect his work or anything, but when he's off the clock it throws him back on his ass, keeps him awake at night and has him doubting everything he thinks he knows."
Relationships: Clint Barton/Phil Coulson
Series: Keep Going (KeGo) December 2019 [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1558123
Kudos: 42





	18 – “Stop lying to me!”

**Author's Note:**

> This is part eighteen of this small writing challenge that @Banana_Ink and I cooked up.  
> Basically, we came up with 24 prompts, which means 24 stories for 24 days in december. A way to cope with NaNoWriMo trauma, but also something short, sweet and relaxed to keep up a writing habit without stressing too much.
> 
> Check out the prompts, and most of all @Banana_Ink as well! She will be writing for her BNHA AU.
> 
> https://banashee.tumblr.com/post/189288814786/keep-going-december-kego

**18 – “Stop lying to me!”**

The thing is, sometimes his brain just betrays him.

It usually doesn't affect his work or anything, but when he's off the clock it throws him back on his ass, keeps him awake at night and has him doubting everything he thinks he knows.

He's used to that – it's been that way ever since he can remember and he's trying to deal with it. Sometimes, it almost works. But sometimes it creeps up on him, just when he thought he might be okay.

Clint is used to that, too.

Right now, it's four in the morning and he's spent the better part of the night sobbing on the bathroom floor. Sometimes that's just how it is, when his brain runs crazy and he's overthinking everything, terrified and desperate to catch his breath for just a second. It feels like drowning in a deep black abyss of ice cold water where he can't see.

But he's not alone.

Phil is sitting in front of him, both arms wrapped securely around his shaking and slightly larger frame, slowly stroking his hair with one hand and talking to him, slowly, calm and even. It's been hours, but he still keeps it up.

Reassurances, “I'm here for you” and “You're not alone”, but also little bits and pieces of random things. Movies. Books. Recipes, little fun facts. Memories. Good memories, of things that made them happy.

“I love you.” and “You're safe now.” is what he keeps repeating more than anything else.

It's the truth, and they've had this talk about their relationship and the whole love thing a while ago. The feeling is mutual, and they started saying this on a regular basis, whenever they can.

But today, while his brain fails him and makes up hurtful lies, even when evidence for the opposite is directly in front of him, Clint can't cope with that.

“Stop lying to me!” he angrily forces out in between ragged breaths, shaking harder and pulling on his own hair.

“It's the truth, sweetheart. I promise you, I'd never lie to you. Not about this, about us.”

Phil gently detangles his hands, in an attempt to stop him from hurting himself.

 _'Lies, lies, lies.'_ everything in Clint's head is screaming, but there is also a small, logical part of him, that's still calm, telling him _'This is Phil. He does love you, you know this. He loves you and you're safe.'_ but the rest of the unstable, messy part of his brain is shrieking much, much louder and almost drowns it out.

“Stop lying to me.”

The words are quiet and broken this time. He's completely falling apart, but Phil is still here, won't leave. And he doesn't stop with the support and the reassurance, waiting for the storm to pass.

Hours later, things have evened out a bit.

Phil has managed to get Clint out of the bathroom and into bed, where he falls asleep almost immediately, exhausted after this emotional night. He's holding onto Phil with an iron grip, even in his sleep, but he doesn't mind. He stays close, one arm wrapped around his partners waist and one hand stroking up and down his back in a slow, even movement.

This has been hardly the first time he's seen one of those breakdowns, but it's been one of the worse ones. He knows this isn't something he can just fix, knows there is professional help needed.

But he needs to ask if there is anything else he can do to help in those moments. For now, all he can do is be there and hold on.

Maybe one day Clint will believe that good things happen to him, too, even when his brain tried it's hardest to convince him otherwise.


End file.
